Lead Us Not Into Temptation

Depression is not a state of being, it is a series of thoughts. Thoughts are not facts, thoughts are not reality. Thoughts can be changed. Anxiety is created and it sends my mind into a raging downward spiral.  

Ok. So I retrain my brain. I commit. I embrace choiceless routine. Why? because my head is all out of sorts. My mind is spiraling out of control. And I have to save myself. Taking the words from Twenty One Pilots to heart, “I have to kill my mind in order to save my life.”

I am causing this suffering. This pain. I’m sleeping now, so i think my problems are gone? Wrong, there just NOW surfacing. How could I possibly think I wasn’t susceptible to misery, to the lows, to the incredibly low lows. How could I possibly think I was above that?  

I have to save myself. Lead me not into temptation. My whole life I thought temptation only meant sex or food or killing someone, or cursing at your sibling.  Let me not be tempted to have sex before marriage. Let me not be tempted to eat this whole ice cream Sunday, this whole plate of fries. 

Temptation: Desiring something you know will not benefit you in any way.

Just because you have thoughts, does not mean they are real. Thoughts are not truths. Desire. Wanting. Craving. Needing. Needing something from outside the self to fulfill or satisfy. Craving something you think will not benefit you in any way.  Craving something that will prove to be detrimental to you in some way.  Growing up the detrimental thing was Hell. Don’t do this, or you’ll go to Hell.  Don’t sin, don’t give into temptation, and if you do, feel bad. Feel guilty.

Temptation is all around us. We are bombarded with it. I’m tempted to watch reality TV. HOURS of it in a single day. I know reality TV does not benefit me in any way. I’m tempted to do it, I usually do it, and afterwards I don’t feel too great about myself. I feel like I’ve wasted time, I haven’t grown as an individual in the time I spent watching shit TV. I feel dumber.  

Then why do I desire it?  Why do we desire things we KNOW will not benefit us. Does it come down to loving ourselves? Loving someone means you want only the best for that person. Loving yourself, then, should mean you want only the best for yourself.  

Falling into temptation, at its root, is not loving yourself fully. Falling into temptation is harmful.  Loving oneself fully is thinking things and doing things that benefit the body, benefit the mind, and benefit the soul.